Never Move to Orlando, Florida and this is why…

When somebody mentions Orlando Florida, you probably think of Disney World or just relaxing on the beach. You actually shouldn’t move to Florida – at least Orlando and this video will share the reasons why.

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0:00 – Prologue
There are a few things you should know before moving to what is questionably nicknamed the ‘City Beautiful’… Here are 10 Things to Know Before Moving to Orlando, Florida.

0:22 – Dangerous Alligators
Wildlife rocks and reptiles are cool… until they’re in the swimming pool, eying your pooch like the fat person eying their next plate from the all you can eat buffett. There’s no use in running – did you know that alligators can climb just about anything, and run up to 35 mph?

1:05 – Too Many Bugs
Alligators aren’t the only creature out for blood in the ‘City Beautiful’. So are the mosquitos. Due to the humidity, central Florida is a swampy breeding paradise for these insects. Orlando’s bugs can’t be escaped by heading indoors, either.

1:46 – Constant Sinkholes
Don’t be surprised if you fall asleep and wake up to your house falling into the abyss. This is what tragically happened to Florida resident Jeff Bush when a massive sinkhole opened beneath his bedroom one night in March of 2013.

2:23 – Retirement Capital
Orlando’s retirement population is essentially just one big elderly population on Spring Break, and they aren’t afraid to flex it. Just northwest of Orlando exists the ‘The Villages’, America’s largest retirement community. Good luck sharing the road with Old Aunt Sally, who is shamelessly doing a 15 in a 75.

3:01 – Weird Tourists
Sure, a kid in a buzz lightyear costume is pretty cute, but there is something undeniably disturbing about the adult couple dressed as Cinderella and Prince Charming. And don’t even get me STARTED on the over the top annual vacations which some families take like their life depends on it. What’s more disturbing; The Wall Street Journal lists Disney as one of the most popular places in the world to scatter the remains of loved ones.

3:59 – Horrible Laws
It’s no secret that Florida’s gun control policies are a subject of nationwide critique. Orlando was the scene of the 2016 Pulse Nightclub Mass Shooting, the second-largest gun violence massacre ever in the United States. During the Global Pandemic, Orlando has reported a rise in gun violence. In fact, in 2020 the number of homicide victims in Orlando was double what it was in 2019.

4:38 – Crazy Citizens
There are so many bizarre crimes reported in Florida, particularly central Florida where Orlando is located, that an entire phenomenon has been born – ‘The Florida Man’. All you have to do is google your birthday followed by ‘Florida Man’, and my god the amount of wild stories you will read on JUST that one day alone will make you think that Orlando lives in some alternate drug fueled dimension.

5:24 – Dangerous for Pedestrians
Florida Highway patrol cites roughly 25 to 30 collisions involving pedestrians every single day in the greater Orlando region. The main blame: the city lacks proper infrastructure and sidewalks for pedestrians. There are certainly other issues at play, like the amount of older drivers on their way to ‘The Villages’, the volume of clueless tourists and, I assume, swerving for gators.

5:48 – Orlando is Flat
No really, Florida as a whole is the flattest state in the US. Hopefully, you aren’t a Mountain Biker. While the hills may not be alive with the sound of music, the swamps will certainly be alive with the sound of thunder.

6:02 – Extreme Weather
It’s no secret that Florida experiences some of the most dramatic weather of any state in America. The combination of heat, sea breezes and humidity from the state’s opposing coasts create “the perfect storm”, literally. Located 60 miles from the coast, Orlando is more protected from hurricanes than cities on the coastline.

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